she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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