My liver just broke up with me...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
