No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you never un-have a 4some
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
