end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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