I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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