What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
