your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
