apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
