apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
