i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
