the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
