I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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