I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
