Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
