the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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