I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
