i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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