Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
