i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
