Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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