did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am available for nakedness
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
