Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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