just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
