My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
