I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What drink are we having for lunch?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
