I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
