the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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