ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
