remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
