i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
