Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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