yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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