I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
