so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
