I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
