Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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