I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
