Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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