mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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