I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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