textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
