apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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