There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
