Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
