Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
