I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
