I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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