i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
