whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
