I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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