I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
