I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
