Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
