I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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