just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We have started to decorate penises.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
